One of the most common misconceptions about emotions is the idea that anger is bad. We're taught that anger is dangerous and unacceptable, usually, by loud, angry people, with their own false notions about anger.
Anger is labeled negatively because of the results it often leads to: The road-rage car accident; the loss of a friend argument; the anger run amok violence.
But just because an emotion precedes certain outcomes doesn’t mean the emotion itself is bad. Emotions simply are what they are, not what they may or may not lead to.
Although anger can often cause some pretty gnarly outcomes, anger itself is just a feeling. It’s been all muddled up with a lifetime(s) learning ways to hide or deny it, so it comes leaking out in kinds of ugly ways.
What is anger really about?
It might be surprising, but if you take a close look at anger, there’s really only one way it gets triggered: unfulfilled expectations.
In other words, you fearfully need something to be a certain way and it doesn’t turn out to fit those needy demands. So you get pissed.
“Wow, that anger when my husband didn’t send me flowers on our anniversary was just a needy expectation that flowers equal love. I know that’s not true!”
Somehow, just knowing that anger boils down expectations can be immensely helpful to quell your rage. Stop and take a look next time. Quite enlightening and helps lighten things up for sure.
Two anger truths
Here are two other important truths about anger:
1) Anger is the solution your primitive, fear-based consciousness has come up with to deal with fear. That part of you is all about making sure you survive, so it's terrified to admit you’re afraid, believing it makes you look vulnerable. Anger is the perfect way to hide and deny fears, keeping you safe from potential dinosaurs roaming around.
2) Anger happens when a button is triggered, reflecting something about yourself that you don’t want to admit; something you’ve taken years (or lifetimes) to hide, deny and suppress.
Who are you actually afraid of?
Going even deeper, anger is a deep seated fear of yourself due to things you’ve done in the past. Any time you reacted from fear and did something you believe caused pain or loss, you decided you are dangerous, bad and undeserving. Those decisions became your inner programming and are usually tucked deep in your subconscious mind.
The good news is, when you have an angry reaction to something, it’s a neon sign helping you discover what you did previously that you “forgot” about. Once you remember, the anger dissipates pretty quickly.
“I see now why I’m upset that my husband didn’t bring me flowers… I’m really just angry at myself for not being as giving to him as I think I should be. Honestly, I hold back all the time in our relationship and he’s just reflecting that to me perfectly!”
So, that out-of-control, adrenaline rushing, heart pounding sensation of needing to be right is just fear that someone might discover what you’ve covered up about yourself.
Next time you feel annoyed, irritable, enraged, or any other emotional variant of anger, stop and ask yourself: What is my needy expectation? What’s the fear this anger is covering up? What am I actually afraid of? What anger do I have toward myself that I don’t want discovered?
Do that while allowing yourself to just feel the anger without judgment. Of course, choose to not do anything destructive with what you're feeling. With these self-awareness tools, it is possible.
It’s just anger, after all.
Ready to discover where your anger is from and what it's trying to teach you about yourself?
Royce Morales is a renowned spiritual teacher who's been teaching breakthrough, core, self-discovery work for decades. Her trailblazing, life-shifting work presents profound spiritual concepts, providing tools to make them applicable in day-to-day life. These powerful teachings get to the root of subconscious, fear-based programming so that fears, stuck issues and repetitive patterns can resolve.
Royce offers continuing group classes, has an e-course and is available for private inner journey sessions using the powerful, spiritual clearing technique she developed.
If you’re tired of the struggle, want to connect with who you really are, feel ready to live a meaningful, empowered life, give Royce a call for a free consultation. Deserve!
Royce is the author of three books about her teachings: “Want: True love, past lives and other complications;” “Know: A spiritual wake-up call;” and “Back: Rebirth After Stroke.” Her books inspire evolution, awareness and empowerment. The underlying message is a wake-up call toward authentic "heart-wired" acceptance of self, others and life, all available on Amazon.